First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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