did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
