last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
