I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
im six kinds of drunk right now
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize