Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
