Joe is yelling at the trees again.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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