he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
