wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
