I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
