the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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