just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
