she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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