I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
