the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
