K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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