sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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