Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
