I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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