Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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