um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
