I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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