Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
