I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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