sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
