apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize