the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
