everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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