One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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