After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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