I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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