It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
