I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
