made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
