Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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