my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
