oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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