is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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