I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
