So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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