i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
