I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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