You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
