so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
