No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
