So drunk its hurt
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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