i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
