no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
