And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
