I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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