did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
