dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
