dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
