Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
