I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
