Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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