At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
