You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
