I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
