So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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