So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I need to calm my uterus...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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