I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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