i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
operation have a gay friend backfired
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The air was thick with penises
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
