I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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