i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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