I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
