I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize