The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
