At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
