I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
