Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
