Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
