scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
