Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dear god my vagina.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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