he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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