Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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