They should really pass out barf bags in church
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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