Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
one might say we're banned from that church
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
