Where is the hickey?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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