The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
