Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Houston, we have a blender
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
