I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
