please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
