You're my little dorito
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
