Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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