he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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