How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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