I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
