oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
