Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
