I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
