do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
