Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
