I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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