Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
