I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
