Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize