Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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